Why is it important for you to move past the traumatic event?
“Your objective is not to become perfect. If you have been raped, your objective is to be as you were before the rape, but stronger and wiser. If you were abused as a child, your objective is to rid yourself of the feelings and behavior caused by the abuse and claim the talents and well-being that are yours by right.”
Moving past the traumatic event can strengthen oneself. You can become stronger than you were before the victimization.
Traumatic events not only affect the physical self, but also the mind. Too often the physical aspect is treated, but the mind is not.
Using Trauma to Build Strength:
“When trauma is incorporated into our reservoir of experience it becomes a resource; a wise friend instead of an enemy.”
Traumatic events can be a learning experience if dealt with. After examining what happened and looking at what could or could not have been done differently, it can teach an individual what to look out for.
Processing Trauma:
We are all different when it comes to dealing with life’s experiences. “We are as different from each other mentally as we are physically. So what matters is not how terrible our experiences seem to others, but how we feel about them ourselves.”
Some things in life are easier to deal with; unfortunately, in life people are faced with difficult and traumatic events. These traumatic events, although hard to deal with and work through, can help a person learn and grow.
Although hard to deal with, breaking the traumatic event into smaller issues and tackling them is very beneficial.
Imagery:
“Imagery can be a very powerful tool in healing and moving past the traumatic events in a person’s life. The use of imagery in healing is powerful because it is natural to our species. Our ancestors knew how to use imagery to change their feelings and they knew how to use their feelings to change events. They rehearsed success and were confident they would achieve it. Today we acknowledge that a positive state of mind contributes to success. This is done by building new imagery in order to outweigh the traumatic events. The brain builds new systems to cope with our changing needs, such as learning how to cope with traumatic events. Taking control of your brain formation and learning to change your thoughts on a traumatic event will help you heal.”
Understanding yourself
During the healing process it is important for you to understand why you do the things you do. It is important to examine your irresponsible behaviors that are causing you problems, and look at why you are choosing to continue these behaviors.
Common behaviors to examine:
Why do I sleep around when I don’t want to?
People who have been sexually abused may associate this act with false closeness and intimacy. The loneliness may drive an individual to constantly search for a fulfillment, which they may struggle with identifying.
Why do I choose partners to abuse myself with?
If a childhood is traumatic, an individual might choose a partner that beats them up, rejects or humiliates them.
Self-starvation:
For a victim of sexual abuse the refusal to eat often starts with a sense of being ‘bad’. In our image-conscious society ‘bad’ easily becomes ‘unacceptable’ and ‘unacceptable’ becomes ‘ugly’. This distortion is projected onto the person in the mirror and overrides all other information. Then magic enters our thinking, ‘if fat can be conquered, then life will be different’.
Self-cutting and burning:
Sometimes self-loathing, anger or shame can become so intense that they are harder to bear than physical pain. When this happens, physical pain itself can seem to alleviate the feelings because the brain laboratory reacts to pain by releasing ‘feel good’ chemicals. This begins a cycle of blame, the verbal attack of oneself because of the self-harm, followed by depression, then more self-harm to deal with the emotional pain.
Understanding why you do these behaviors does not justify these behaviors. This opens the door for change and healing. The vicious cycle must be broken by changing the unhealthy messages you are telling yourself.